2021 Here we are! We’ve been through quite a bit over the past year and there was a lot of hope that this year would be better, right?! Even on the heels of a much less eventful year, many of us use the New Year to set goals (either new or repeated) for ourselves. Setting those goals is usually easier than keeping them. But, why?
Have you already dropped your New Year resolutions? Are you back to eating all the food, drinking all the drinks, sleeping in instead of waking up early, and anything (everything) else you set yourself up for in 2021? Maybe you had amazing intentions for this year and you didn’t even get started! Guess what…that’s okay. You read that right, it’s okay! You might be wondering why it’s okay to drop the health/fitness/wellness/organization intentions when it isn’t even one month in to 2021. Well, the problem doesn’t come from dropping the goals or intentions, or “falling off the wagon” as so many say. The problem comes from watching that “wagon” you fell off drive away and leave you in the dust. Why did you watch it drive away? What stopped you from trying to get back on it? Are you going to wait for another one to come around so you can “get on” and start over?
You might say, “Well, how do I do that?!” Looking at our reaction to this can be really helpful in stopping this pattern and actually figuring out how to make changes, even if they’re small. Why do we set ourselves up for more disappointment and continue down the path of not making changes? Did we prioritize the wrong thing? Did we choose that goal for the wrong reason? Do we think it will be too hard? Not worth it? We won’t succeed? We won’t get the satisfaction from it we want? We could go on and on with so many more self-defeating thoughts that keep us from getting back on that wagon. Whatever the reason, it’s pretty common just to accept that we won’t be meeting those goals for the year and try again next year.
What if we stop accepting failure, figure out what small steps we can make to get to our goal, and get started on it today. We don’t need to wait until the next Monday for a “fresh week,” the next month, or the next year. The longer we stay in our current habits, the harder it will be to change them. With that knowledge, what would it hurt to try to break apart our large goal for the year and see how we can make progress toward that. In fact, wouldn’t it feel better to know you’re making steps toward something instead of just wishing you were?
It’s easy to get caught up in the distorted thought that if we don’t do it the way we want or intend, we didn’t succeed. However, looking at these goals or intentions as something that need to be completed to perfection is likely to make our efforts feel like a failure. Let’s be honest; if we’re looking for perfection, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, it’s important to pursue progress and look at every single step, no matter how large or small, as movement in the right direction. Maybe this means, you declutter one item a day, get up 15 minutes earlier to stretch, add an extra scoop of vegetables, or intentionally put your phone away for 5 minutes each day. You can always use those steps as motivation to keep going and increase the difficulty of the task.
Where to start? Anywhere! That’s the amazing part about approaching our goals from this perspective! Anything that progresses you toward the change you’re trying to achieve is in the right direction. There’s no right or wrong way to progress on personal goals. But, if these goals align with what you value in life, then working toward them is the accomplishment. Even noticing that there are things you’d like to better about yourself is an accomplishment. The steps don’t have to be large at all, they just need to be steps. Let’s use a quick example; most parents want their child to walk, but they don’t have the expectation that they will try the first time and never fall down; instead the expectation is that they get up and try again and take small steps first. If we are able to think this way about the goals we have for other people, why wouldn’t we afford ourselves the same opportunity? It’s time to make those changes and allow ourselves room to make movement instead of staying stuck in the same place. Let’s remember that we’re trying to build new habits, learn new skills and make internal changes. Successful long-term changes take time and errors. The challenge to you is to let yourself try in a way you might not give up on when you make a misstep. Challenge, accepted!
