My last post discussed the overview of this cognitive distortions series. For this group of distortions, we focus on faulty thoughts that revolve around making predictions or assumptions. First, we’ll review the few distortions and then discuss ways to identify and challenge them at the end.
Mind Reading
The first distortion in this series is mind reading. This is just as it sounds. We assume we know what another person is thinking. Often, these thoughts are negative and impact us in that way. A few examples are:
- She thinks I’m a bad friend
- They don’t want me here
- They’re mad at me
- He thinks I’m stupid
As you can hear in these thoughts, the individual assumes they know exactly what the other person thinks about them. Another common trend, as mentioned above, is that these thoughts are typically negative in nature. Because of this negativity, we usually don’t walk away from this thought with any positive emotion. Instead, it’s common that we feel bad about ourselves. This may even lead us to avoiding that person/situation, or trying harder to “make them” like us or think we are smart.
Other than the negative association we get from these thoughts, the other problem with this is that we don’t actually know what other people are thinking. The only way we can know this for sure is if they verbalize it to us. For example, a blank stare may not mean they think we’re boring; instead it could be that they didn’t sleep well the night before and are struggling to stay awake. Similarly, even behaviors that seem dismissive (i.e., turning away) might not mean they don’t want to hear what you have to say. They could actually have thought you were done speaking or had their attention caught by something quickly that caused them to look away.
This distortion often leads us to a one-track mind. We assume that these are their thoughts and they couldn’t possibly be thinking anything else. However, as we break this distortion apart, it makes room for other possibilities that have nothing to do with us (i.e., they didn’t sleep well).
Fortune Telling
The second distortion in this series is fortune telling. Again, this is fairly self-explanatory. Here, we simply predict the future. Typically, this is also in a negative light and something “bad” is to come. A few examples of fortune telling are:
- I’m not going to get that job
- This date won’t go well
- I’m going to fail my test
- I’m going to make things worse
It’s honestly going to be pretty hard for us to focus well on an exam if we’re constantly telling ourselves we’ll fail. Similarly, if we assume a date will go poorly, it’s not very likely that we will be our genuine self on that date. Instead, we’ll be acting in a way that reinforces this thought and associated emotion (i.e., smiling less, talking less, not making eye contact, etc.).
The problem behind this distortion is that we really don’t have any idea what is going to happen. Unfortunately, that date might go poorly, but it will be more likely to be terrible if we’ve already decided that’s the outcome. On the other hand, it may be the best date one has ever had!
Here’s the hard part about this one. We like to assume that history repeats itself…because sometimes it does. However, just because you’ve had 20 terrible dates, doesn’t mean that the 21st will be terrible. The same with a test, or an interview, or anything else where we assume the ending. There are many different factors involved that are not the same as they were during those previous experiences.
Catastrophizing
The third distortion in this list is catastrophizing, or assuming something that’s already happened, or will happen, will be completely unbearable. A couple examples of this distortion are:
- I won’t be able to deal with that
- It will be terrible if I don’t get that job
Again, we see a few different predictions in this distortion. We make the assumption that we know the outcome of something. If the event already happened, we make the prediction that we won’t be able to tolerate it. Honestly, we regularly cope with so many things that we never thought we had the capacity to handle. For example, when we see a friend struggle with the loss of a parent, we often have a catastrophic thought that we won’t be able to handle it when one of our parents passes. However, if and when that time comes, we usually are able to figure out a way through it. This does not mean we will handle everything with ease. Instead, it means that we are typically able to implement some coping skills to manage the very difficult situation.
Identifying Cognitive Distortions
When we are trying to determine if thoughts are falling into one of the above distortions, let’s be on the lookout for some of the following key phrases:
- He/She/They think…
- He/She/They want…
- I can’t…
- I won’t…
This list is definitely not comprehensive, but it does give a general idea of how these distorted predictive thoughts might begin. The biggest way to figure out if you’ve engaged in these distortions is to ask yourself the facts of the situation. Are your thoughts based in facts or assumptions? Did someone give you a sideways look and you assume they thought your outfit was inappropriate? Or, did they give you a sideways look and tell you your outfit was inappropriate? One is fact and one is speculation.
How do I Challenge Predicting Cognitive Distortions?
When we identify that we’ve predicted something, we want to figure out our emotional reaction. If this prediction is causing us stress and anxiety, we may want to actually do something about it. If it doesn’t draw any negative emotional reaction, it may just need to be acknowledged and not addressed. Let’s focus on the problematic distortions. The ones that cause us anxiety or distress in some way.
Once we’ve determined that our thought is a problematic prediction, we need to get back to the facts. Identify what has actually happened regarding the situation and how your thought has strayed away from that information. Then, the goal is to remind ourselves that we don’t know anything beyond the facts. We have to live in uncertainty until something more comes of the situation, or until the situation ends.
Here’s an example where I’ll incorporate the predicting distortions: I just took a test and assumed I failed (fortune-telling). Because I failed, my mom will be furious with me and not let me hang out with my friends (mind-reading). On top of that, this test was so important, that I won’t get into college and I’ll be mortified (catastrophizing).
First, did I get my grade back yet? No, so I’m not sure if I failed. I know I don’t feel confident that I aced the test, but that doesn’t mean I failed. I won’t know my actual score until it is graded and returned by my teacher. Until then, I have to wait. Assuming I failed is not going to make that waiting time any more pleasant.
Second, did I study? Yes, so even if I did poorly on the test, I know my mom saw me studying and trying to understand the material. She usually says she wants me to try my hardest. I feel like I tried hard, maybe not the hardest, but I did try. If my trying wasn’t reflected well in my grade, I can figure out a new study strategy after that. Until then, I’m not sure if my strategies worked, so I have to wait.
Third, even if she is upset, does she usually keep me from my friends? If not, why am I making this assumption. If she usually does, then, missing a night out with my friends will be a bummer, but not the end of the world. They hang out a lot and I’ll just go the next time.
Last, is one test really what makes or breaks a college acceptance? If that’s the case, will I honestly not be able to get into any college, or just not the one I want? Assuming it’s not the only thing, then why would I place so much importance on it. Usually, they look at grades over a few years, GPA, ACT/SAT scores, essays and many more factors. Why am I assuming this one test will determine my future?
If Cognitive Distortions Continue
Challenging our thoughts can be very difficult and take some time to learn. Often, these thoughts may leave us feeling down, disappointed, hopeless, anxious or stressed. If you feel like you engage in cognitive distortions on a regular basis and you’re experiencing negative emotional states because of it, you may want to seek professional treatment. Look for a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you learn how to identify and challenge your specific distorted thoughts.
