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Not Feeling “Hot Girl Summer?” 5 Tips to Take…
Dreading summer already and it just started? Thoughts of your giant arms, cellulite-filled legs, and extra belly fat flying through your head like a whirlwind? You’re looking at the cute bathing suits, tank tops, crop tops and shorts and wishing you had the right body to wear them. If so, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, body image dissatisfaction is extraordinarily high among girls and women, but boys and men are not immune.
What is Body Image?
Body image is how we feel about our physical appearance. This includes attitudes and perceptions, thoughts, behaviors and feelings toward how we look. Body image starts to develop when we’re quite young, looking to fit in, and be liked by others. We seek information from social media, images on the television or internet, friends, magazines, etc. to determine what’s an “acceptable” body. If our appearance doesn’t match what we think it should, we will likely start down the path of having a negative body image. Unfortunately, this can start as early as 3-5 years old.
How Body Image Impacts Mental Health
A negative body image can wreak havoc on our mental health. Depression, anxiety, social isolation, self-consciousness, and shame are just some of the feelings involved with body dissatisfaction. Some people with a distorted or negative view of their body either have or consider cosmetic surgery and others fall into disordered eating habits. Not everyone who experiences being “unhappy” with their body, falls into one of these categories, but the statistics are disheartening. To read more on the specific statistics, see this post from the National Organization for Women Foundation. Any degree of these negative mental health impacts can be life altering.
Strategies to Battle Negative Body Image
The following are just a few tips and tricks to start taking your mental energy away from your appearance and spending that energy somewhere more productive:
Values:
Identify how appearance aligns (or doesn’t) with your values:
When I ask most people where physical appearance falls in line with their personal values, the answer is typically pretty low on the list. Even though this is the case, it brings awareness that their behaviors and mindset are definitely putting their appearance above a number of other values (i.e., adventure, friendship, experiences, etc.). If you want the summer to be value-driven, I would encourage you to actually look at what your values are. You can find a thorough list of values here. They don’t have to be the same as anyone else’s. Your values don’t have to be what you think others “expect” them to be. They just have to be aligned with you. If you want to look back on your summer with joy and excitement, focusing on your true values is a key step on that path.
Self-Compassion
Practice self-compassion:
No matter what we think or feel, practicing self-compassion is something that we can all benefit from. Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness and respect, just as you would treat your friends. Here is an assessment of your current level of self-compassion.
Most of us have an inner critic that likes to judge us and remind us just how much we are messing up. This critic often attaches to body image. For example: Why did I eat that much? Why didn’t I go to the gym? Look at them, they’re running, why aren’t you? You’re lazy! You’re fat! And the list keeps going. The question I’ll pose to you…Would you say that to anyone else? Would you actually tell someone they’re lazy, fat, shouldn’t eat something, etc.? Probably not. If not, what makes this okay to do to yourself? Actively practicing self-compassion can help counter this inner critic.
Self-compassion includes being mindful and aware of your current experience. For example, I’m feeling very upset with myself for eating past full and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now. Next, we want to connect your experience to the experience of others, referred to as common humanity. For example, I know I am not alone in this. So many people struggle with a negative body image. Other people understand what I’m going through right now. This is not to invalidate the experience, rather it’s to connect you to others in a way that reminds you that you are not alone. The last step is to provide yourself with kindness. Reminding yourself that it’s okay that you’re experiencing this and that you can get through it.
Mindfulness
Focus on the experiences and memories you’re making:
Using mindfulness to stay in-the-moment and take in your experiences. Really trying to connect with what you’re doing, who you’re with and the experience you’re having outside of your self-critical thoughts and feelings. Consider the beautiful waterfall you hiked to, or the sound of laughter at a cookout. Either way, use your five senses to bring you into the moment. The last thing we want to do is recall an experience and wish we would’ve spent more time taking it all in. And that takes practice.
Perfectionism
Look at the bigger picture (literally):
Many people look at images or pictures of themselves and pick out their flaws. This can be anything from “big” arms, to a “puffy” face and everything in between. What’s missing when they look at the pictures that way? Well, the entire point of the picture…to capture the moment and the experience. Maybe it was going somewhere exciting, seeing an old friend, being able to spend time with family, etc. That is what those pictures are for, not for us to pick apart every imperfection we see on our body. Here, I encourage you to zoom out and look at the picture as a whole and try to reconnect with your thoughts and feelings you can recall during the moment. Focus your attention on the experience and purpose of the picture. Hopefully, as you just read, you enjoyed the experience and weren’t stuck in your head about your appearance.
Comparison
Notice when you’re comparing yourself to others:
Whoa…this is a big one! Comparison is literally built into our world. We compare how we did on something, skills at sports, grades on tests, what we know via trivia, etc. What we usually don’t consider is that even though it looks like there might be enough similarities for an “apples to apples” comparison, this is not possible when it comes to the individuality of people. From health, to genetics, to upbringing, to preferences, no matter what, using others as a “guide” or “goal” will usually lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Especially when it comes to body image.
When we see a picture, or even a person, we don’t have any context. We don’t know if they have a health condition, if they’re a personal trainer and spend all day at the gym, do they have a personal chef, do they have to split time between themselves, kids and jobs. We don’t have any of this information. Yet, we think it’s fair to assume that if they can look one way, so can we. We don’t often look at a pilot, for example, and say, I can do that. Some of us might and we might actually make it happen. For others, it’s not a high enough priority to learn how to fly (see tip 1 on values). Some also might not want to dedicate the time and energy necessary to learn how to fly. Others have medical conditions and are not cleared to fly. As you can see, the list of things goes on and on. The same is true for body image.
In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy” (although the quote is often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, the actual origins are unknown). If this sentiment has been known and discussed for at least over a century, it is mind-blowing that we continue to struggle with it. To believe that anyone else’s appearance (since we’re focused on body image here) has anything to do with ours is preposterous! Easier said than done, but try to keep this idea in your mind when you look at someone and think “that’s my goal.” Remind yourself that body is literally irrelevant to you and your body.
More Resources for Negative Body Image
Each of these tips are worthy of their own dedicated blog post. For now, the idea is to give you a place to start. This will not make you love your body immediately, but if we can quiet the inner critic and the negative self-talk, then maybe we won’t be so quick to believe it when it is there. If you believe your negative body image is holding you back and/or turning into a more serious eating disorder, please seek professional help. In the meantime, here are some helpful resources: