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When Gratitude Feels Hard: Making Space for Real Emotions…

A single streetlight glows in the darkness, casting a soft circle of light around a solitary figure standing beneath it.
Even in the darkest seasons, small moments of light can steady us.

Everywhere you look right now, it’s all about gratitude.
Gratitude journals. Gratitude challenges. Gratitude posts with perfect fall leaves and steaming mugs of something cozy.

And don’t get me wrong – gratitude can be a powerful things. But sometimes? It’s complicated.

Because what if this year doesn’t feel like one you’re especially thankful for? What if things are heavy – or lonely, or uncertain – and the pressure to “focus on the good” just feels like one more thing you’re not doing well enough?

If that sounds familiar, you’re in good company.

The Pressure to Feel Grateful

We live in a culture that loves a good positivity campaign – especially around the holidays. Everywhere you turn, there’s a message about choosing joy, counting blessings, or remembering how lucky you are. And while those ideas aren’t wrong, they can hit differently when your heart’s in survival mode.

Maybe you’ve lost someone. Maybe your mental health has been hanging by a thread. Maybe you’re just tired – emotionally, physically, or spiritually – and the idea of “just being grateful” feels tone-deaf at best.

That doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.

When Gratitude Turns Into Guilt

Gratitude is meant to help us notice the small moments that make life meaningful – but somewhere along the line, it got tangled up with pressure and performance.

A close-up of a chipped ceramic vase, showing its cracks and texture in soft natural light.
Real gratitude doesn’t need to be perfect – sometimes it shines through the cracks.

If you’ve ever thought, “I should feel more grateful,” you’ve felt that pressure. If that kind of self-talk sounds familiar, you might like this post on common cognitive distortions — it explores how subtle thought patterns can make us feel like we’re “failing” at gratitude or happiness.

It’s subtle, but it can turn something tender into something that feels like homework.

When gratitude becomes an obligation, it can actually disconnect us from ourselves. Instead of acknowledging what’s true – “This is hard right now” – we might rush to fix it with a forced silver lining. That kind of “toxic positivity” doesn’t make pain go away; it just asks it to wear a smile.

Gratitude That Makes Room for the Hard Stuff

Here’s the thing: authentic gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about recognizing that even when things aren’t okay, there can still be small moments of goodness worth noticing.

It might sound like:

  • “I’m grateful I made it through today.”
  • “I’m grateful for people who show up, even when I’m not easy to be around.”
  • “I’m grateful for a quiet moment, or a warm blanket, or the way my pet greets me.”
A close-up of a hand gently holding a single autumn leaf, symbolizing quiet gratitude and resilience.
Sometimes gratitude is as simple as holding on to one small, beautiful thing.

It doesn’t have to be poetic or profound. It doesn’t even have to feel particularly “positive.” Real gratitude is gentle. It coexists with sadness, fear and exhaustion – it doesn’t erase them.

Making Space for All of It

This season, give yourself permission to hold both things: the gratitude and the grief. The warmth and the weariness. The moments of connection and the ache of what’s missing.

You don’t have to choose between being thankful or being honest about how you feel. You get to be both.

So maybe instead of forcing gratitude, you can simply notice it – when it shows up naturally, in small, almost invisible ways. Like the sound of laughter in another room. Or a text from someone who really gets you. Or the smell of coffee in the morning.

It’s okay if those moments are brief. They still count.

A Gentle Reflection

If you want to try something this week, here’s a simple prompt to sit with:

What’s one small thing that feels like an anchor for me right now – even if it’s not perfect?

No lists. No pressure. Just a quiet moment of noticing what steadies you, however small it might be.

Because gratitude doesn’t have to be loud or performative to be real. Sometimes, the softest kind – the kind that whispers “I’m still here” – is the most powerful of all.

And if you need a little reassurance that even research agrees it’s okay to struggle with gratitude, this podcast transcript from Greater Good Science Center offers a compassionate perspective.

If you’re finding it especially hard to feel grounded or hopeful right now, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Therapy can be a space to explore those feelings and rediscover steadiness and self-compassion – one small anchor at a time.

Learn more about how services at AWCC can help. If you’re wondering what getting support might look like, this post on what to expect in therapy offers a look at how we can work together to find steadiness again.

When Halloween Feels Too Scary: Helping Anxious Kids Cope…

Young girl in a witch costume sitting beside a cauldron outdoors in the fall, representing a calm and gentle approach to Halloween for anxious kids.
Every child experiences Halloween differently – and that’s okay.

You imagined your child racing from house to house, candy bucket in hand, laughing with friends under the glow of porch lights. Instead, they’re clinging to you, covering their ears, or insisting they don’t want to go. If Halloween feels more stressful than fun, you’re definitely not the only parent feeling that way – and there’s nothing wrong with your child for struggling.

For many anxious or sensitive kids, Halloween can be a lot. It’s loud, unpredictable, and full of surprises. People jump out of bushes. Decorations make creepy noises. Costumes change how people look and sound. Even the excitement of candy and crowds can overwhelm their nervous systems.

And while other kids seem to love being scared, your child might genuinely feel unsafe – their body reacting as if those fake ghosts and monsters are real threats. That doesn’t mean they’re overreacting; it means their brain is doing what it’s designed to do: protect them.

🧠 Why Halloween Can Feel Hard

Mother holding her son's face gently and kissing his forehead outdoors in fall, symbolizing comfort and support for anxious kids during Halloween.
Halloween excitement can feel overwhelming for some kids – your calm presence makes all the difference.

Halloween combines many common anxiety triggers:

  • Unpredictability: Kids don’t always know what to expect when approaching a decorated house or event.
  • Sensory overload: Flashing lights, loud sounds, itchy costumes, and sugar crashes can all pile up.
  • Social pressure: Costumes, parties, and trick-or-treating can feel like performances.
  • Darkness and separation: For younger kids, being out after dark or walking ahead without a parent can spike fear.

Even if your child wants to join in, their anxiety can take the wheel. That can leave parents feeling confused, disappointed, or even guilty – like you’re doing something wrong. You’re not. You’re just parenting a child whose nervous system experiences the world differently.

You can learn more about anxiety in children from the Child Mind Institute, which offers practical tips for supporting kids through challenging experiences.

💬 How to Support Your Child (and Yourself)

Adult's hand holding a small handmade ghost decoration made from crafting materials, representing gentle, creative ways to support anxious kids during Halloween.
Simple, hands-on activities help anxious kids feel grounded and connected.
  1. Prepare ahead: Preview what the day or evening will look like. Look at pictures of costumes or decorations together. Visit familiar houses before Halloween night. The more predictability you can offer, the safer your child will feel.
  2. Give them choices: Maybe they’d rather hand out candy, go to one house, or wear a cozy hoodie instead of a costume. Letting them have control reduces anxiety and helps them feel confident.
  3. Start small: You don’t have to go all-in. A quick loop around the block, a school parade, or a low-key party can be enough. Success builds gradually, not all at once.
  4. Focus on comfort: Choose soft costumes, avoid masks if they feel claustrophobic, and take breaks when needed. Bring headphones, fidgets, or familiar comfort items.
  5. Model calm and flexibility: If things go off plan, take a breath. Your calm signals safety. Saying something like, “It’s okay – we can head home early,” teaches your child that their needs matter more than appearances.

The Anxiety & Depression Association of America has strategies for helping children manage anxiety triggers and stay calm in overwhelming situations.

🎃 Redefine “Fun”

Plate of Halloween cookies shaped like a ghost, pumpkin, and Frankenstein, representing calm, creative ways for anxious kids and families to enjoy Halloween.
Low-key traditions like baking together can make Halloween feel joyful, not overwhelming.

There’s no rule that says Halloween must include haunted houses or trick-or-treating. Maybe your family decorates pumpkins, bakes spooky treats, or watches It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with popcorn and pajamas.

The goal isn’t to push through fear – it’s to help your child learn they can feel safe and connected in ways that fit them.

For additional family-focused guidance, HealthyChildren.org (from the American Academy of Pediatrics) offers tips on keeping holidays safe and enjoyable for all children.

💛 A Gentle Reminder

If your child’s anxiety feels bigger than Halloween – if worries, avoidance, or meltdowns are showing up often – it might be a good time to reach out for extra support. With the right tools and understanding, kids can learn to face fears at their own pace and rediscover joy in moments that once felt overwhelming.

You don’t have to do it alone – and neither do they.

If your child’s anxiety feels bigger than you can manage alone, help is available. At Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland, Dr. Bauer specializes in evidence-based therapy for children and teens. Reach out today to learn how she can support your family in building confidence and calm.

HalloweenAnxiety #AnxiousKids #ParentingTips #ChildAnxiety #MentalHealthAwareness #GentleParenting #FamilyWellness #CalmHalloween #SpookySeason #Halloween2025

OCD Is Not an Adjective: Raising Awareness During OCD…

You’ve probably heard someone say it – maybe even said it yourself: “I’m so OCD about that.” “That’s just my OCD.”

It’s usually meant to describe being neat, organized, or particular. But here’s the thing: OCD is not an adjective. It’s not about liking things tidy or color-coded – it’s a serious, often painful mental health condition that deserves real understanding.

At Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland, Dr. Bauer works with individuals every day who live with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And what they experience goes far beyond quirks or preferences.

What OCD Really Is

OCD involves unwanted, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that create intense anxiety or distress – and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) done to relieve that distress.

These thoughts aren’t just “a little worry.” They can feel consuming, frightening, and uncontrollable.

Common obsessions might include:

  • Fear of contamination or harm
  • Intrusive doubts or “what if” thoughts
  • Unwanted violent or taboo images
  • The need for things to feel “just right”

Compulsions can look like checking, washing, counting, confessing, or seeking reassurance – but sometimes they’re entirely internal.

The key is that these behaviors aren’t done for pleasure or preference – they’re done to quiet unbearable anxiety.

Why Words Matter

When we casually say, “I’m so OCD,” we unintentionally minimize the suffering that comes with the real disorder. It can make people feel unseen or ashamed to talk about what they’re truly going through.

Language shapes understanding – and by using it thoughtfully, we can help reduce stigma and build compassion.

If you catch yourself or someone else using “OCD” as shorthand for “organized,” it’s okay. Most people mean no harm. Just take it as a moment to pause and reframe:

  • “I like things neat,” instead of “I’m OCD about cleaning.”
  • “I’m detail-oriented,” instead of “I’m so OCD about my planner.”

Small shifts in language can make a big difference.

There Is Hope – and Effective Treatment

The good news is that OCD is highly treatable. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a specialized form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), is considered the gold-standard treatment.

With support and the right tools, people can learn to face fears, reduce compulsions, and live fuller, freer lives.

At Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland, Dr. Bauer specializes in evidence-based treatments like ERP and CBT for OCD and related anxiety disorders.

This OCD Awareness Week

Let’s replace stereotypes with understanding.

Let’s trade judgment for empathy.

And most importantly, let’s remember that OCD is not an adjective – it’s a real, treatable condition that deserves compassion and care.

If you or someone you love is struggling with OCD, there is help. Learn more about evidence-based treatment options at Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland.

💙 Learn More and Get Support

If you’d like to learn more about obsessive-compulsive disorder or find additional support, these organizations offer reliable information and resources:

Together, we can raise awareness, challenge misconceptions, and promote compassion for those living with OCD.

#OCDAwarenessWeek   •   #OCDIsNotAnAdjective   •   #EndTheStigma
#MentalHealthAwareness   •   #AnxietyWellnessCenterOfChicagoland   •   #OCDRecovery   •   #YouAreNotAlone

Perfectionism: Why It Feels Productive but Leaves You Drained

Do you ever catch yourself triple-checking something that was fine the first time? Or tweaking a project long after everyone else would call it done? That’s perfectionism at work – convincing you it’s productive, while quietly draining your energy.

Person sitting on the floor surrounded by scattered papers, symbolizing the exhaustion and overwhelm of perfectionism.
Perfectionism can feel like endless work without relief – always chasing “perfect,” never feeling done.

The Productivity Illusion

Messy desk covered with scattered papers, notebooks, and office supplies.
A cluttered workspace mirrors the mental overload perfectionism can create.

On the surface, perfectionism looks like dedication. You meet deadlines, polish projects, and maybe even impress others. But beneath that polished surface, it’s quietly wearing you down.

That flawless report, perfectly curated post, or picture-perfect presentation might earn praise. But does it ever really bring peace? More often, you’re left with racing thoughts, tension, and the nagging feeling that it could still be better.

Perfectionism convinces you that productivity equals worth. But it’s an illusion: you’re working hard, yes, but not always in a way that’s smart, sustainable, or kind to yourself.

Why Perfectionism Drains You

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well – it’s about trying to avoid discomfort. Fear of mistakes, self-criticism, and the need to control outcomes keep your mind running on overdrive.

Over time, the cost adds up. Perfectionism leaves you:

  • Burned out, even when you “accomplish” a lot
  • Procrastinating, because the stakes feel impossibly high
  • Struggling with self-criticism, even when things go well

Instead of fueling success, it steals your energy – and the more you try to be perfect, the emptier you feel.

How Your Thoughts Feed the Trap

Person standing in the middle of a maze, symbolizing feeling stuck or overwhelmed by perfectionism.
Unhelpful thought patterns – like all-or-nothing thinking – keep perfectionism in place.

Unhelpful thought patterns act like the walls of a maze: the harder you try to escape, the more stuck you feel. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps us notice these thought patterns that fuel perfectionism.

Common thought traps include:

  • All-or-nothing thinking: “If it’s not perfect, it’s a total failure.”
  • Should statements: “I should always get it right.”
  • Overgeneralization: “I made a mistake, so I’m a failure at everything.”

These beliefs trick you into striving harder, but they don’t bring satisfaction – they just deepen the cycle of exhaustion.

Shifting Toward Sustainable Productivity

Minimal to-do list with just a few clear tasks written neatly on a page.
A pared-down to-do list can shift the focus from endless tasks to meaningful progress.

The goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to care in ways that don’t wear you out.

A few shifts to try:

  • Redefine success: Instead of aiming for perfect, ask yourself: What’s good enough here? Meeting a reasonable standard can feel surprisingly freeing.
  • Pause self-criticism: Notice your inner voice scolding you and replace it with the tone you’d use with a close friend – kind, encouraging, patient.
  • Experiment with flexibility: Try finishing a task at 90% instead of 110%. Chances are, the world won’t fall apart – and you’ll feel lighter.
  • Focus on values, not standards: Perfectionism chases approval. Values point you toward what actually matters – connection, creativity, learning, growth.
  • Celebrate progress: Take time to acknowledge small wins. They’re proof that effort – not flawlessness – is what moves you forward.

A Final Word

Perfectionism convinces you that being flawless will finally make you feel safe, loved, or enough. But here’s the truth: you already are enough – messy, imperfect, wonderfully human.

Real productivity, real satisfaction, and real joy comes from balance, self-compassion, and letting go of the impossible standard.

Your best work doesn’t have to be perfect to be enough.

If perfectionism has been leaving you drained, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can help you shift patterns and reclaim your energy. Let’s take that step together – contact us today.

🍂 Fall Anxiety: How Seasonal Changes Affect Mental Health…

One week you’re soaking up late-summer sunshine, and the next you’re reaching for sweaters, noticing earlier sunsets, and maybe feeling a little unsettled. The transition from summer to fall isn’t just about changing leaves – it can also bring shifts in mood, energy, and anxiety. Understanding how seasonal changes impact your mental health can make the transition smoother, and CBT tools can help you feel more grounded as the days grow shorter.

Close-up of a leaf that is half green and half orange, symbolizing the seasonal transition from summer to fall.
A single leaf captures the shift – half summer green, half autumn orange – reminding us how change often shows up slowly, then all at once.

Why Seasonal Changes in Fall Affect Anxiety and Mental Health

Orange leaf falling from trees on a cloudy autumn day.
Shorter days and cooler weather can quietly shift our mood, energy, and routines.
  • Shorter days = lower mood. Less sunlight means your body produces more melatonin (the sleepy hormone) and less serotonin (the feel-good chemical), which can leave you tired or irritable.
  • Routines shift. Fall often brings busier schedules and new demands, which can trigger “what if” worries.
  • Hidden grief for summer. You may catch yourself thinking, “I should’ve done more,” or dreading what’s ahead. Those thought patterns fuel anxiety and low mood.

CBT Strategies to Cope with Fall Anxiety and Seasonal Shifts

Closed journal and mug of coffee on a wooden table.
Small grounding rituals – like journaling, mindful movements, or time outside – can steady us through seasonal transitions.
  • Catch thinking traps. Notice if your mind jumps to all-or-nothing thoughts like “Fall is always hard for me. Ask yourself: Is there another way to see this?
  • Anchor in small actions. Even 10 minutes of daylight, movement or checking one thing off your list can create a positive ripple.
  • Create seasonal rituals. Cozy routines – journaling, warm drinks, or walks among the leaves – can ground you.
  • Plan for connection. Don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Schedule time with friends or family to buffer isolation.
  • Practice acceptance. Remind yourself: “This is just anxiety showing up because change is hard for me.” Naming it reduces its power.

For additional guidance, explore our CBT therapy services to learn how we tailor strategies for each individual.

Fall Mental Health Reminder: Finding Balance Through Seasonal Change

Feeling your mood shift with the change of seasons doesn’t mean you’re overreacting. Your brain and body are genuinely responding to the transition. With a mix of compassion and practical tools, fall can become not just a season of endings – but also a season of grounding and growth. 🍁

Candle, warm blanket, and autumn leaves creating a cozy fall atmosphere.
Fall can be a season of grounding and comfort when we approach it with intention and compassion.

❓Frequently Asked Questions About Fall Anxiety

Q. What’s the difference between fall anxiety and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

Fall anxiety often shows up as restlessness, worry, or difficulty adjusting to new routines. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression linked to reduced daylight, with symptoms like low mood, loss of interest, and fatigue. While they can overlap, SAD is more severe and persistent than seasonal anxiety.

Q. Why does anxiety get worse in the fall and winter months?

Shorter days affect your circadian rhythm and brain chemistry. With less sunlight, your body makes more melatonin (which makes you sleepy) and less serotonin (which regulates mood). That shift can increase fatigue, low motivation, and vulnerability to anxious thoughts.

Q. How can CBT help with seasonal anxiety?

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches you to recognize unhelpful thought patterns (like “Fall is always hard for me”), challenge them, and replace them with more balanced perspectives. CBT also emphasizes behavior change – like scheduling enjoyable activities, spending time outdoors, and maintaining routines – to support mood and reduce anxiety.

Q. What are quick ways to ease anxiety during fall?

Simple steps can make a big difference: get 10-15 minutes of morning daylight, keep a steady sleep schedule, use journaling to process anxious thoughts, and plan regular social connection. Pairing small, consistent actions with self-compassion helps build resilience through the seasonal shift.

Q. When should I seek professional help for seasonal anxiety?

If your anxiety or mood changes start interfering with daily life, or if you notice hopelessness, withdrawal, or ongoing low mood, it’s time to reach out. A therapist or healthcare provider can help you identify whether you’re experiencing fall anxiety, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or another condition, and create a treatment plan that works for you.

🌟 Looking for Support This Fall?

The change of seasons doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. With the right support, fall can be a season of growth, grounding and renewal. If you’re ready to explore CBT tools for easing anxiety and finding balance, Dr. Bauer at Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland is here to help.

🍁 Contact AWCC to get started

Social Anxiety in Kids: Parent Tips for Back-to-School

Back-to-school season can be stressful for many kids and teens – but especially difficult for those struggling with social anxiety. For these kids, the challenges go beyond homework and new teachers. Maybe your child dreads the cafeteria, avoids speaking up in class, or worries constantly about what other kids think. Many parents wonder how to best support their child through back-to-school social anxiety without accidentally making things worse.

Here are some practical strategies to help your child feel more confident this school year.

Teen feeling nervous about back-to-school social anxiety standing by school lockers.
Many teens feel anxious about fitting in when school starts – social anxiety is more common than you think.

Normalize Their Socially Anxious Feelings (Don’t Minimize)

Kids and teens with social anxiety or school-related anxiety often feel “different” or even ashamed of their fears. Instead of brushing it off with, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” try saying:

  • “Lots of kids feel nervous about being around new people.”
  • “It makes sense this feels overwhelming and scary.”

When you validate their emotions, you’re letting them know their anxiety isn’t weird – it’s human.

Challenge The “What Ifs”

Social anxiety is fueled by “what if” thoughts: What if nobody talks to me? What if I embarrass myself? Help your child break down those fears by asking:

  • What’s the worst that could happen?
  • How likely is that to actually happen?
  • If it did, how would you handle it?

This kind of realistic thinking is a key part of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT helps shrink those big, scary thoughts into something more manageable.

Practice Social Skills In Small Steps

Avoiding anxiety triggers only makes them grow. Instead, support your child in practicing small, doable steps:

  • Role-play introductions or conversations at home.
  • Set up a one-on-one hangout before the first day of school.
  • Encourage them to ask a teacher a question, even if they already know the answer.

Each exposure builds confidence and shows them that anxiety doesn’t have to be the boss.

Teens practicing social skills to manage back-to-school social anxiety.
Small practice moments can build confidence for social situations.

Be A Calm Role Model

Kids pick up on your reactions. If you show your own anxiety about drop-off or new situations, they may mirror it. Model calm confidence by saying things like:

  • “I feel nervous sometimes too, but I know I can handle it.”

This shows your child that it’s okay to feel anxious and that it’s possible to face it anyway! And if you’re wondering how to manage your own back-to-school stress as a parent, I wrote about that here.

Focus On Effort, Not Perfection

For kids with back-to-school anxiety, bravery doesn’t always look like making five new friends on day one. Sometimes, it’s just walking into the cafeteria or raising their hand once in class. Praise the effort, not just the outcome. Over time, this helps them build resilience and self-trust.

Student bravely raising hand in class despite feeling anxious.
Every small step, like speaking up once in class, is a victory worth celebrating.

Know When To Seek Extra Help

If your child’s social anxiety keeps them from attending school, making friends, or participating in everyday activities, professional support can make a big difference. Child and teen therapists trained in CBT can help them build long-term coping strategies and self-confidence.

Final Thoughts

Back-to-school season is rarely easy for kids with social anxiety. But with your steady support, validation and encouragement, they don’t have to face it alone. Remember: your job isn’t to erase their anxiety – it’s to help them see that they can feel nervous and still take brave steps forward.

If your child’s social anxiety is making school overwhelming, seeking support can make all the difference. Whether through school resources or therapy, you don’t have to navigate this alone – and neither does your child.

At Anxiety Wellness Center of Chicagoland, I specialize in supporting kids, teens and parents through anxiety with evidence-based tools like CBT – so your family feels less overwhelmed and more supported.

Have a friend whose child also struggles with school anxiety? Pass this along – they may find comfort and useful tips here too.

Back-to-School Anxiety for Parents: CBT Tools to Manage Stress

Let’s be honest: the start of the school year can feel a lot less like a fresh start and a lot more like an emotional tornado wrapped in a to-do list. If your thoughts are racing, your stomach is in knots, or you’re lying awake wondering how you’re going to manage it all, you’re not alone. Back-to-school anxiety for parents is real and often not discussed.

Children walking to school alone, representing back-to-school anxiety for parents
Back-to-school transitions bring big feelings for parents too.

Back-to-School Anxiety Isn’t Just for Kids – Parents Feel It Too

Back-to-school anxiety is extremely common among parents. And while it’s easy to think, “It’s just a busy season, I’ll power through,” it’s worth slowing down and paying attention to what’s going on beneath the surface.

Here’s the good news: Understanding your anxiety through a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) lens can help you feel more grounded and more in control – even when life feels anything but.

1. Notice the Thought-Feeling-Behavior Cycle

CBT starts with this core idea: our thoughts affect how we feel, and how we feel affects what we do.

CBT triangle showing connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in anxiety management
The CBT model helps us see how thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected.

Here’s an example:

  • Thought: “I’m already failing. Everyone else seems to have it together.”
  • Feeling: Defeated, anxious, irritable
  • Behavior: You procrastinate, snap at your partner or kids, or overwork trying to “catch up”

Sound familiar?
When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed or anxious, pause and ask:

  • What was I just thinking?
  • Is that thought helpful or true?
  • How is it affecting my mood or behavior right now?

The goal isn’t to shame yourself. It’s just to shine a light on the patterns so you can begin to shift them.

2. Challenge Catastrophic Thoughts Caused By Your Back-to-School Anxiety

Anxiety loves to jump to worst-case scenarios:

  • “What if my kid has a meltdown at drop-off every day?”
  • “What if I can’t keep up and everything falls apart?”
  • “What if I mess this up and they struggle all year?”

These thoughts feel real – and they are loud! But they’re not always accurate.

Try asking yourself:

  • “What’s the actual evidence for this thought?”
  • “What’s another way to look at this?”
  • “If my friend were having this thought, what would I say to them?”

CBT doesn’t ask you to be blindly optimistic. It just helps you move toward more balanced, flexible thinking – especially when anxiety is distorting the view.

3. Make a Plan (Instead of Just Worrying About One)

Worry creates the illusion of control. It feels like doing something, but often it just leaves you more mentally drained. CBT teaches us to shift from rumination to problem-solving. Here’s how:

  • Identify the specific worry (i.e., “I’m anxious about chaotic mornings.”)
  • Ask: Is this a real problem I can take action on?
  • If yes, brainstorm 1-2 small steps (i.e., prep clothes the night before, build in a 5-minute buffer)
  • If no, practice letting the worry go (i.e., with a grounding exercise, mindfulness, or self-compassion)

Pro tip: You can’t plan your way into total certainty – but you can build confidence in your ability to cope.

Overwhelmed parent preparing for school morning routine amid clutter and chaos.
Sometimes the hardest part is just getting everyone out the door.

4. Use Behavioral Experiments to Test Your Beliefs

One common CBT strategy is the behavioral experiment. It’s basically a way of asking, “What if I tried something different and observed the result?”

For example:

  • If you believe, “If I don’t control every detail, everything will fall apart,” try letting go of one small thing (like school snack perfectionism), and see what actually happens.
  • Or if you think, “I have to hide my stress so I don’t upset my kids,” try being honest (“Mom’s feeling a little overwhelmed today too”) and see if it creates connection instead of chaos.

This is how we start to loosen anxiety’s grip – not just by thinking differently, but by giving ourselves evidence that different is possible.

5. Schedule Time to Recharge (Yes, Put It on the Calendar)

Your nervous system needs recovery time to stay regulated. When you’re constantly in go-mode, your stress response doesn’t get a chance to rest.

So: schedule recovery tie the same way you schedule school drop-offs or soccer practice. Put it on the calendar. Protect it. Treat it like it matters – because it does.

And no, it doesn’t have to be a full spa day. A walk. A 10-minute break with your coffee. A no-phone car ride after drop-off. Anything that gives your brain a moment to breathe.

This isn’t indulgent. It’s necessary.

Parent taking a mindful break with coffee, symbolizing self-care during back-to-school anxiety
Even five quiet minutes can help regulate your nervous system.

Practice Self-Compassion, Not Self-Criticism, to Manage Back-to-School Anxiety

When anxiety shows up, it often brings a sidekick: self-judgment. You might think:

  • “Why am I so anxious about this? Other parents are handling it fine.”
  • “I should be stronger, more organized, less emotional.”

But here’s the CBT twist: Beating yourself up doesn’t make you feel less anxious. It makes you feel more anxious – and more stuck.

Try treating yourself like you’d treat a struggling friend – with kindness, not criticism. Try saying:

  • “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
  • “It’s okay to feel this way. I can handle it.”

You’ll be amazed how differently your body and mind respond when you lead with compassion.

Final Thought: You Don’t Need to Eliminate Anxiety – Just Learn to Work With It

The goal isn’t to make back-to-school anxiety disappear. (Spoiler alert: it probably won’t.)
The goal is to notice it, understand it, and respond to it differently.
With awareness, skill-building, and a little self-kindness, you can meet this season from a steadier place – even when it’s messy. Even when it’s hard.

You’ve got this. And if today you don’t feel like you do? That’s okay too. Start where you are.

Mental health affirmation for parents managing school-year anxiety
You don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent.

Not Feeling Chill? How to Handle Summer Anxiety

Feeling more anxious than usual lately? You’re definitely not alone. Everyone seems to be out here trying to live their best “carefree summer life,” but your heart is racing, your sleep is a mess and the heat makes you feel like you’re walking around in a pressure cooker! Sound familiar?

Take a deep breath.

Summer anxiety is real. You’re not being dramatic and nothing is wrong with you. If you’re wondering why anxiety actually gets worse in summer, there are some pretty solid reasons. Most reasons for summer anxiety are attributed to your body, brain and environment. Let’s unpack why this happens and how you can feel more grounded and in control.

Melted ice cream symbolizing summer anxiety and overwhelm.
Because sometimes, summer feels like this.

Heat Can Feel Like Anxiety – and Trigger It

This one’s obvious – it’s hot! When we overheat, our body starts doing pretty crazy things! Our heart rate speeds up, we sweat, and our nervous system goes on high alert. Guess what…those are classic symptoms of anxiety. The connection between anxiety and hot weather is often overlooked. However, the overlap in physical symptoms – like racing heart and sweating – can be very triggering.

If you already struggle with panic attacks or health anxiety, this can create a cycle:

You’re hot -> you panic about being hot -> your heart rate stays elevated -> your anxiety ramps up -> you sweat more -> repeat.

If you’re trying to figure out how to manage anxiety in the summer heat, it starts with taking care of your body.

Try this:

  • Stay hydrated.
  • Take cold/cool showers.
  • Carry an ice pack or cooling towel.
  • Wear loose, breathable clothing.

These small steps can help regulate your body so your brain doesn’t spiral into “danger mode.”

Remember: Your body is supposed to do this when it’s regulating temperature – just like during exercise. It does not mean danger.

Close-up of a sweaty face showing physical symptoms of anxiety in hot weather
When the heat turns up – outside and inside your nervous system.

Sleep Struggles = Emotional Chaos

Disrupted sleep throws everything off. Summer means longer days, later nights, more screen time, and less deep sleep. All of this sends your stress response into overdrive. Lack of sleep boosts cortisol (your stress hormone) and lowers your emotional threshold. Basically, even small stressors start to feel enormous.

✅ Try this:

  • Stick to a consistent sleep schedule – even on weekends.
  • Use blackout curtains or a sleep mask.
  • Dim lights an hour before bed.
  • Put the phone down – pick up a book or something to your brain and nervous system instead.

Routine Disruptions? Anxiety Hates That

Travel, kids home from school, less structure…it’s no wonder your nervous system feels all over the place. Anxiety thrives on predictability. When your routine falls apart, it can take your sense of stability with it.

Even if the changes are fun or exciting, your brain may still read them as “disruptive.”

✅ Try this:

Create micro-routines. These small, grounding habits help create a sense of normalcy:

  • Enjoy your morning coffee in silence
  • A daily gratitude practice
  • 5-minute journal
  • A short walk or podcast break

Sensory Overload Is Real

Loud music. Crowds. Constant sunlight. Jam-packed social calendars. Summer can feel loud, emotionally and physically. If you’re feeling overstimulated, emotionally tapped out, or irritable, your rain is likely overwhelmed.

✅ Try this:

  • Schedule quiet time like you would any other commitment.
  • Use sunglasses, noise-canceling headphones, or take solo drives.
  • Say “no” to plans that don’t align with your energy level.

You’re Allowed to Feel Anxious in Summer

If you judge yourself for feeling “off” during a “happy and carefree” season – pause right there.

You’re not failing.
You’re not broken.
You’re just human.

Anxiety is your brain’s signal that something needs care. Respond to it the way you would to a struggling friend- with compassion, not criticism. You don’t have to fix everything. Just listen to your body and mind. Honor what they need and takes small steps to soothe your system.

Summer Anxiety Toolkit

Here are a few things to try if summer anxiety starts creeping in:

  • 💧 Drink water. I know it sounds basic, but it really helps.
  • 🛏️ Protect your sleep like it’s your job. Seriously…your body needs it.
  • ❌ Say “no” to plans that drain you.
  • 🌱 Ground yourself with your senses – nature, music, smells, movement, etc.
  • 💛 Practice self-compassion when the inner critic starts speaking up.
Peaceful beach sunset symbolizing calm and relief from summer anxiety.
Your nervous system deserves moments like this.

Final Thought: You’re Not Weak If Summer Gets Hard

You’re allowed to reclaim summer in a way that works for you. These tips won’t fix everything overnight – but they can help you feel a little more calm, a little more grounded, and a little more in control.

And, if you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck? That doesn’t mean you failed – it just means it might be time for extra support. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Help is always there when you’re ready.

Not Feeling “Hot Girl Summer?” 5 Tips to Take…

Dreading summer already and it just started?  Thoughts of your giant arms, cellulite-filled legs, and extra belly fat flying through your head like a whirlwind?  You’re looking at the cute bathing suits, tank tops, crop tops and shorts and wishing you had the right body to wear them.  If so, you’re not alone.  Unfortunately, body image dissatisfaction is extraordinarily high among girls and women, but boys and men are not immune.  

What is Body Image?

Body image is how we feel about our physical appearance.  This includes attitudes and perceptions, thoughts, behaviors and feelings toward how we look.  Body image starts to develop when we’re quite young, looking to fit in, and be liked by others.  We seek information from social media, images on the television or internet, friends, magazines, etc. to determine what’s an “acceptable” body.  If our appearance doesn’t match what we think it should, we will likely start down the path of having a negative body image.  Unfortunately, this can start as early as 3-5 years old.  

woman in black tank top and black pants

How Body Image Impacts Mental Health

A negative body image can wreak havoc on our mental health.  Depression, anxiety, social isolation, self-consciousness, and shame are just some of the feelings involved with body dissatisfaction.  Some people with a distorted or negative view of their body either have or consider cosmetic surgery and others fall into disordered eating habits.  Not everyone who experiences being “unhappy” with their body, falls into one of these categories, but the statistics are disheartening.  To read more on the specific statistics, see this post from the National Organization for Women Foundation.  Any degree of these negative mental health impacts can be life altering.  

Strategies to Battle Negative Body Image

The following are just a few tips and tricks to start taking your mental energy away from your appearance and spending that energy somewhere more productive:

Values:

Identify how appearance aligns (or doesn’t) with your values:

When I ask most people where physical appearance falls in line with their personal values, the answer is typically pretty low on the list.  Even though this is the case, it brings awareness that their behaviors and mindset are definitely putting their appearance above a number of other values (i.e., adventure, friendship, experiences, etc.).  If you want the summer to be value-driven, I would encourage you to actually look at what your values are.  You can find a thorough list of values here.  They don’t have to be the same as anyone else’s. Your values don’t have to be what you think others “expect” them to be. They just have to be aligned with you.  If you want to look back on your summer with joy and excitement, focusing on your true values is a key step on that path.

Self-Compassion

Practice self-compassion:

No matter what we think or feel, practicing self-compassion is something that we can all benefit from.  Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness and respect, just as you would treat your friends.  Here is an assessment of your current level of self-compassion.

Most of us have an inner critic that likes to judge us and remind us just how much we are messing up.  This critic often attaches to body image.  For example: Why did I eat that much?  Why didn’t I go to the gym? Look at them, they’re running, why aren’t you?  You’re lazy!  You’re fat!  And the list keeps going.  The question I’ll pose to you…Would you say that to anyone else?  Would you actually tell someone they’re lazy, fat, shouldn’t eat something, etc.?  Probably not.  If not, what makes this okay to do to yourself?  Actively practicing self-compassion can help counter this inner critic.

Self-compassion includes being mindful and aware of your current experience.  For example, I’m feeling very upset with myself for eating past full and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now.   Next, we want to connect your experience to the experience of others, referred to as common humanity.  For example, I know I am not alone in this.  So many people struggle with a negative body image.  Other people understand what I’m going through right now.  This is not to invalidate the experience, rather it’s to connect you to others in a way that reminds you that you are not alone.  The last step is to provide yourself with kindness.  Reminding yourself that it’s okay that you’re experiencing this and that you can get through it.

Mindfulness

Focus on the experiences and memories you’re making:

Using mindfulness to stay in-the-moment and take in your experiences.  Really trying to connect with what you’re doing, who you’re with and the experience you’re having outside of your self-critical thoughts and feelings.  Consider the beautiful waterfall you hiked to, or the sound of laughter at a cookout.  Either way, use your five senses to bring you into the moment.  The last thing we want to do is recall an experience and wish we would’ve spent more time taking it all in.  And that takes practice.  

Perfectionism

Look at the bigger picture (literally):

Many people look at images or pictures of themselves and pick out their flaws.  This can be anything from “big” arms, to a “puffy” face and everything in between.  What’s missing when they look at the pictures that way?  Well, the entire point of the picture…to capture the moment and the experience.  Maybe it was going somewhere exciting, seeing an old friend, being able to spend time with family, etc.  That is what those pictures are for, not for us to pick apart every imperfection we see on our body.  Here, I encourage you to zoom out and look at the picture as a whole and try to reconnect with your thoughts and feelings you can recall during the moment.  Focus your attention on the experience and purpose of the picture.  Hopefully, as you just read, you enjoyed the experience and weren’t stuck in your head about your appearance.  

Comparison

Notice when you’re comparing yourself to others:

Whoa…this is a big one!  Comparison is literally built into our world.  We compare how we did on something, skills at sports, grades on tests, what we know via trivia, etc.  What we usually don’t consider is that even though it looks like there might be enough similarities for an “apples to apples” comparison, this is not possible when it comes to the individuality of people.  From health, to genetics, to upbringing, to preferences, no matter what, using others as a “guide” or “goal” will usually lead to heartbreak and disappointment.  Especially when it comes to body image. 

When we see a picture, or even a person, we don’t have any context. We don’t know if they have a health condition, if they’re a personal trainer and spend all day at the gym, do they have a personal chef, do they have to split time between themselves, kids and jobs.  We don’t have any of this information.  Yet, we think it’s fair to assume that if they can look one way, so can we.  We don’t often look at a pilot, for example, and say, I can do that.  Some of us might and we might actually make it happen.  For others, it’s not a high enough priority to learn how to fly (see tip 1 on values).  Some also might not want to dedicate the time and energy necessary to learn how to fly.  Others have medical conditions and are not cleared to fly. As you can see, the list of things goes on and on.  The same is true for body image. 

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy” (although the quote is often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, the actual origins are unknown).   If this sentiment has been known and discussed for at least over a century, it is mind-blowing that we continue to struggle with it.  To believe that anyone else’s appearance (since we’re focused on body image here) has anything to do with ours is preposterous!  Easier said than done, but try to keep this idea in your mind when you look at someone and think “that’s my goal.”  Remind yourself that body is literally irrelevant to you and your body.

      More Resources for Negative Body Image

      Each of these tips are worthy of their own dedicated blog post.  For now, the idea is to give you a place to start.  This will not make you love your body immediately, but if we can quiet the inner critic and the negative self-talk, then maybe we won’t be so quick to believe it when it is there.  If you believe your negative body image is holding you back and/or turning into a more serious eating disorder, please seek professional help.  In the meantime, here are some helpful resources:

      man in white and blue crew neck t-shirt

      6 Ways to Tackle BFRBs Outside Your Home

      Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) can often make us feel like we have no control over our behaviors and that we’re at the mercy of an endless cycle.  We pick at our skin, pull out our hair, pick our nails, etc.  We tell ourselves we won’t pick or pull again and then end up falling into the same old habits and routines.  Cue the spiral of shame, frustration, guilt and helplessness. 

      Understanding BFRBs

      Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors include things like skin picking (excoriation disorder), hair pulling (trichotillomania), nail biting/picking, cheek chewing and more.  Unfortunately, due to the shame and embarrassment caused by these behaviors and the possible noticeable consequences (i.e., bleeding fingernails, bald spots, open scabs, etc.), they are often not reported or discussed.  Therefore, they are not as well researched as many other mental health disorders.  

      However, there is enough research to suggest that these can be successfully understood and treated in most cases.  The process of a BFRB often starts with an urge to engage in the behavior.  This urge may result from internal or external triggers such as a sensory cue (itchy sensation), emotional cue (boredom or anxiety), cognitive cue (hair is gray/out of place, nails are too long, etc.) or others.  This is not always within the awareness of the person, making resisting the urge difficult to do. 

      Treating BFRBs

      When working with a mental health professional specializing in the treatment of BFRBs, the evidence-based treatment is the Comprehensive Behavioral (ComB) Model.  The therapist works to increase awareness of the individual’s internal and external triggers.  They come up with competing strategies to implement once they become aware of their urges.  After practicing these competing strategies, they learn that the urges and the sensations pass and they can successfully get through that experience without further engaging in their picking/pulling/biting.  These strategies might include learning new ways to respond to their emotions, finding other ways to “satiate” the physical sensation, or removal of external triggers (i.e., tweezers) from their view.  The more often they get through this, they experience less intense urges and sensations and more confidence that they can successfully manage their BFRBs.

      For anyone who’s tried to get control of their BFRB in the past, they will probably say it’s quite the undertaking.  However, this can be much more challenging when we’re in settings where skills are not readily available.  The good news is that we can still set ourselves up for success even in less than ideal locations.

      Choose Strategies You Can Implement

      Here are 6 ways you can set yourself up to combat your BFRB outside of your home:

      • Place a visual cue to remind you to implement your strategies.  This could be a post-it note, a picture, a single word, or something else entirely that simply reminds you to use your skills.
      • Have a bag of items handy to serve as your competing strategies.  Perhaps you use a hairy squish ball to pull at, hair ties to pull your hair back, long sleeves to cover your arms or a pair of gloves making it more difficult to pick or pull.
      • Focus on mindfulness strategies, specifically attending to your five senses.  By doing this, you may be able to keep yourself out of “autopilot” and stay attentive to your actions.  Often times our BFRBs present with boredom, anxiety, distress or other emotions we’re experiencing when we aren’t being present.
      • Set aside a few moments to review your goals regarding your picking or pulling.  For example, maybe you want that bald spot to grow back in, or you want your cuticles or other scabs to stop bleeding, etc.  Maybe you just want to feel like you’re in more control of your body.
      • Ask for and use your support system.  This may come in the form of talking to someone who knows your struggles while driving home, putting on a podcast that helps you stay focused on your goals.
      • Put something that serves as a tactile stimulus in these locations. One might use a piece of velcro on the back of your steering wheel, or under your desk at work or school.  Using this strategy, you are providing yourself with a less destructive stimulation for your fingers.

      Planning is Key

      The cycle of any BFRB can be difficult to break, but with a solid plan in place and consistency in practicing your skills and strategies, it can absolutely be done.   

      In order to come up with an effective plan, ask yourself these questions?

      • Am I willing to be uncomfortable and push through the urges in this setting?
      • What will I have access to use/bring?
      • Does someone there already know about my BFRB and support my treatment and strategies? If so, how can I use/ask them for help?

      Like anything else worth achieving, it will be a process that will include both successes and mistakes.  If you are already seeking professional help, try adding these tips to your list of strategies.  If not and you’re finding yourself struggling to navigate these unwanted picking/pulling behaviors, seek out a professional who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy for BFRBs.

      *This blog was also published on the Anxiety and Depression Association of America website.

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